Answering A Mormon

Today's Post is copied from my Facebook response to a Mormon who held some misconceptions about what it means to be LGBT and Mormon, especially at BYU. This is entirely in my own words, I just copied my post from Facebook to here. Please feel free to share this link to any Mormons who you feel need to better understand the LGBT/Mormon situation.

I think you might understand more if your child (scenario) was active in the Church and yet came out of the closet as LGBT. The pain you witness in your child is absolutely destructive and not at conducive to the faith you both once had. I grew up a very faithful and active Mormon but now want practically nothing to do with it because of the LDS efforts to go out of their way to attack LGBT beliefs (even when those beliefs have nothing to do with the Church, like Gay Marriage). 

The horrible name calling I've received from Church members and leaders has scarred me forever;
so has the dramatic statements saying I'm a purposed servant of the Devil and that my primary goal in life is to destroy families (Apostles said that one multiple times); so has the teaching that simply because I'm Gay I would cause irreparable harm to any children I might have (heard that one a lot); so has the fact that my family has been snubbed and mistreated in their callings because they "weren't good enough to keep me from being Gay"; so has the fact that the LDS Church has (and continues to) work closely with multiple organizations that actively try to make homosexuality punishable by jail-time in other countries; so has the fact that the Church has changed its position on homosexuality publicly at least 6 times (you may need to do some research on that one, even though I've done the research on it personally I don't have the links for you); so has the fact that an Apostle made it clear that acceptable to hit a Gay person for flirting; so has the fact that an Apostle said it was acceptable to disown your children if they wanted a gay relationship (not long after that statement about 20 LDS LGBT youth were kicked out of their homes and families for coming out of the closet); the list of serious harms goes on and on and is not limited to isolated cases, these situations are very widespread (not to mention unChristlike. I hope you realize that the discrimination against LGBT people inside the Church is exceptionally so much more than a disagreement on Marriage.

Now imagine a child who grows up in the Church, is fully active and believes in the Gospel. Imagine that child learning as they grow up that they are interested in members of the same sex, imagine the horror in their minds when the membership and leaders (who this child has been taught to trust explicitly) turn on him or her for something that is beyond the child's control. Would you tell that child to just leave the Church? What does telling that child to leave even mean to you? Isn't the Church supposed to be the "Only True Church" and the only way into Heaven? If so, then isn't telling that child to just leave the same thing as telling them they just aren't good enough for Heaven?

In regards to the doctrines, like I said, the Church has dramatically changed its teachings on homosexuality at least 6 times. The sheer fact that the doctrinal teachings on homosexuality keep changing is a sign to the suffering that there is at least as much doctrinal hope for them as there was for blacks (which we all know that the doctrines punishing blacks for their skin color were proven to not be God's Will). If you lived 40 years ago would you have told black young man to leave the Church because he wanted to serve a mission (despite knowing that "God" didn't want him to)? With what you know now, would you feel justified telling a black family (back then) that they should leave the Church and stop trying to change the doctrines of God just because they wanted to get Sealed in the Temple? Why would you feel comfortable telling Gays that now?

Last part, I promise. About the school, quite often LGBT Mormons don't have as much choice in where they go to school as you give them credit for. Often they are still in the closet when they start college and when you're in hiding inside your own soul any change in the behavior that is expected of you becomes absolutely terrifying. If you and your whole family are active in the Church and you suddenly decide to not go to BYU (I know many families who have done this) you're often questioned intensely as to why. Frequently kids from active families are asked if there is a worthiness issue involved in their choice to not attend BYU (again I've watched this happen repeatedly) and they are treated the same way as if they decided to not serve a mission. For so many Mormons attendance at BYU is expected as a signal that you're on the "right" path spiritually and that are a "worthy" member of the Church. If a gay youth is in the closet then those questions are impossible to handle for fear of being discovered and rejected. The rules and culture at BYU make living in the closet even worse and even more difficult but you can't leave because you feel pressured by your friends, your family and your leaders to finish BYU. Imagine if you were secretly Mormon in a proud Catholic family and that you were expected to attend college under Catholic Priests and Nuns but you knew full well that there was a danger to being found out as Mormon (danger at school and danger at home). Wouldn't you feel trapped by the pressures of your family and the Church? What would you feel about the Church and the school that pressured you into a situation that ended up seriously harming you mentally, spiritually and emotionally, that even cause harm to your family relationships?

I honestly hope you'll be able to understand just how devastating and traumatizing being LGBT really is in the Church and how little chance we feel we have to have a positive outcome to our stories. You have to realize that so many of us have literally had our lives crushed and our emotional stability ruined for years (if not for our entire lives) by the situations, pressures and words of the LDS Church and BYU. We asked for none of this and are granted very little opportunity to make our lives better.