LDS Resignation Update: It's DONE!

Well, it's DONE!

I received my letter stating that my membership has finally been removed from LDS Church records. I tried logging in to www.lds.org and was denied access, and I double checked the roster with the help of a friend; it's all 100% done.

To be honest, it's quite a relief knowing that I don't have to stress about whether or not they were going to let me leave without going through a bunch of meetings or extra hassle. For anyone who doesn't know, the LDS Church's resignation procedures are somewhat simplistic but also somewhat complicated. The short version is that the Church considers a
resignation an "ecclesiastical matter" that has to be handled by meeting with your Bishop and signing at least one "administrative" form. If you contact LDS headquarters directly to complete your resignation they simply send you a letter informing you that they've received your "request" but that they won't process your resignation until a Bishop sends them the letter along with an administration form that you have to sign. If you want the longer version with some details as to why that process is actually illegal you can read my LDS Resignation Update article.

I was (still am) worried about seeing some consequences for officially leaving the Church. I've heard from a number of other "Ex-Mo's" (Ex-Mormons) that many have lost friendships and family relationships as a result of their choice to leave. I know I'm safe on the family front - thank you mother :) - but I'm not so sure about friendships. Frankly, I largely nipped that problem in the bud earlier this year by cutting off most of my contact with other Mormons. I was getting a lot of nasty, rude and aggressive messages from members of the Church because I was "questioning" the leaders of the Church and I just couldn't put up with it anymore. I got tired of being told that I was a drug-addict for being Gay, I got tired of always being belittled for standing up for the abused, and most of all I got tired of feeling like I didn't matter to the members of the LDS Church because I was different. So I deleted most of them off my social media and stopped interacting with almost all of them on any level. I even cut off the members who didn't hurt me because I couldn't emotionally handle the risk that they might turn on me too. Maybe that isn't the best course of action, but it's the one I needed. I don't know what will happen to my leftover relationships with people from Church now that I'm not a member. I just hope that my fears are not realized.

Maybe I won't lose everyone I have left from Church but I can definitely say that the reaction I received from my Church leaders is less than encouraging. I spent weeks trying to contact my leaders to make sure that they were actually going to remove my records (instead of dismissing my resignation since I wasn't signing their administrative form), but I never got any reply. Finally, after I gave my leaders a strict "due date" for the process to be completed by, I received a simple one line response "Please call xxx-xxx-xxxx for an update". No introduction, no salutation, no professional cordiality, nothing.  To be honest, I felt like my leaders couldn't care less if I left or stayed. After a couple of days (and after receiving a second message saying the exact same thing) I responded with a polite explanation that I needed to keep a record of every communication and suggested that if my leaders felt uncomfortable with a recorded phone conversation we could discuss the update via e-mail. A week went by and I heard nothing back again. Then a different leader contacts me saying "Please call..." At this point I was pretty irritated. Not only did I feel like my membership meant absolutely nothing to them but I also felt like they considered their time more precious than mine. I spent weeks hearing nothing from them and then suddenly when they wanted to talk I was expected to drop everything and contact them right away. To hell with how long I waited for them to get back with me, it only mattered that they were now waiting a couple of days before feeling the need to demand my attention again. I pointedly explained that I had replied to the earlier e-mail and that I refused to call anyone until my question (about the voice recording) was answered. I also explained that if the update was to simply inform me that the process was finished there was no need because I had already received a letter from Salt Lake stating that fact. I've heard from no one since, nearly a week later. This isn't a horror story by any means but it is still a rude sign that my local LDS Church leaders don't really care. But, even though I have some short term concerns about how some people I know will change in their attitudes towards me, I am very relieved that the process is simply finished.

Plus I'm very relieved that my name is not attached to the LDS Church like some kind of endorsement of the immoral and irresponsible actions, behaviors and teachings the Church has promoted. I've already gone in depth in my resignation letter about some of those positions I cannot support, which you can read in my post "Resigning Mormonism".

The reason I'm so concerned with letting my name look like an endorsement is because an endorsement is literally telling everyone in the world that you think so-and-so is good, or at least good enough, and that their faults are largely unimportant or easily dismissable. If I endorse someone or something I don't want to have to morally justify it to myself every day. That's something most people seem to forget, if you vote, or if you join a church, or buy stock in a company, you're making the statement that this item's virtues (or possible virtues) are more important than its failures/weaknesses. Don't try and wait for something or someone perfect to come around, it won't happen. But if whatever item you have your name and reputation attached to does serious and actual harm to others you should thoughtfully reconsider giving them your endorsement. You have to decide what is important to you and what morals you stand for. For me, personally, the aggression of the LDS Church towards victims of sexual child abuse and the openly hostile teachings and political actions against LGBT people (among others) are enough to push me to believe that the LDS Church does not represent the morality I was taught to fight for. If the LDS Church goes against the morality I believe in there is no point to my name being on their records showing my endorsement for their actions, behaviors and teachings.

I strongly believe that if people choose to stay with any Church simply out of fear then that Church is corrupting the Gospel of whatever religion it adheres to. If a Church teaches its people to never oppose the actions of the Church or the Church leaders, no matter how immoral they might be, then that Church is misusing the authority of its religion. If a Church lies about its history and suppresses all unapproved sources of information it has dark secrets to hide and cannot be trusted to tell you the truth about its own religion. I'm sad to say that the LDS Church does all three of these and I cannot let my name be used to tell others that these behaviors are acceptable.

Despite the fact that I am technically an "Ex-Mo" (Ex-Mormon) I openly reject that term. I have as many issues with the overall "Ex-Mo" community as I have with the Mormon community. I have witnessed and endured a very hateful and spiteful side to the "Ex-Mo's" that I will not tolerate in my own life. Anger is natural and expected, especially when a person feels betrayed by the group or person they were taught to believe would never hurt them. But, anger is not an excuse to vulgarly slander others with hateful and spiteful words. Pain is not an excuse to belittle and attack people who do not want to belittle and attack the Church or its members. I have witnessed these tendencies far too often in the "Ex-Mo" community and I will not be a part of it. As such I'm choosing to use the only other label I know of to describe my connection to Mormonism: "Non-Mormon" - or "No-Mo". I am not a Mormon but I'm also not diametrically opposed to or hostile towards it. I will not tolerate LDS injustices but I also will not attack LDS goodness.

I'll keep you all up to date on how my beliefs and perceptions are changing thanks to my Mormon-Exit. Thanks for reading!

Samuel.