Roll Call - Good Things Only

Looking through a number of my blog posts you'll notice that I have a lot of negative experiences and opinions about the LDS Church. I am very willing to criticize them on what I believe they do wrong or what hurt they cause through their words and behaviors. However, there is one thing that distinguishes me from certain other Ex-Mormon, Angry-Mormon or Gay-Mormon messages: I am willing to compliment the Church whenever they might deserve it. Today's post on Good Things is directly inspired by a General Conference talk titled "O Remember, Remember" by President Henry B. Eyring of the First Presidency of the Church.

The specific point that has caught my attention and repeatedly found place in my thought since 2007 was his suggestion that we all create a "Gratitude Journal" where we record only positive experiences that we appreciate and are thankful for in our lives. The idea is that the more you recognize and acknowledge good experiences the more likely you are to keep recognizing those experiences in the future which will in turn enhance your mood, lessen stress and improve friendships. It's an emotional and spiritual logic that I absolutely adhere too. I have learned that the more I focus on the sad, evil or difficult things in my life the more likely I am to think about nothing but other sad, evil or difficult things, meanwhile the opposite is also true: the more I think about or focus on the good, happy or sweet experiences that I have, the more likely I am to think about nothing but other good, happy or sweet things.

So what are some Good Things in my life right now?

1. A Mother who loves and cares about me. (In my opinion Loving and Caring are not actually the same thing: Love is what you feel for someone inside while Caring is how you feel like acting toward someone)
2. I finally seem to have people who are proving to be real friends. Even if it's just one real friend, friends who are loyal and supportive (but more importantly that they listen to and care about you) are capable of changing your entire life.
3. At the moment I have a few Church leaders who trying to reach out and understand what has happened to me in the past with the Church and try to make amends.
4. I'm finding it easier to believe in myself and recognize my talents (whether in writing, fighting, art, communication, whatever).
5. I'm on track to getting potentially better medication and medical treatment for my depression and anxiety
6. I'm also on track for fixing my paperwork and financial issues preventing me from going back to school. Once those issues get resolved I'll finally be able to finish my College Degree.
7. My blog is starting to gain a little traction with over 3k views. It's giving me confidence to continue writing and the desire to improve what I have.
8. I'm starting to get my body in shape and feel more comfortable in my own skin.

These are just a few things that are starting to happen in my life that give me the courage and ability to look up and think that maybe I have a chance at a decent life. Do I still have issues and pain? Yes, absolutely. Do I still have lots of bad memories and feelings of loss and insecurity? Of course. All those negative feelings don't just up and disappear but the more I count what Good Things I have the less important those bad feelings become.

One of my favorite hymns growing up was called "Count Your Blessings":

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not, to be honest. What matters is if you believe that good things come to those who appreciate them. By no means am I suggesting that people with hard lives and extremely painful situations somehow asked for or deserved those problems. Everyone ends up with some kind of mix of Good and Evil in their lives, what matters is which Roll Call you're willing to spend more time on. This Roll Call is just like the ones from school, names are called and kept track of and you end up with a long list of counted names. Counting these names doesn't necessarily attract certain names to you more than others but it does affect your perspective. Keeping close track of all the Evil in your life only makes you exhausted (because it looks like the list of Evil never ends) while keeping close track of all the Good will give you hope and energy (because the list Good starts to get longer the more effort you put into thinking about it). 

I will admit that doing a Good Things Roll Call isn't easy, especially at first. You might only be able to think of one or two things for a while, but over time you'll start thinking of other names, events, memories etc. to add to the list especially when you keep up the habit over time. I didn't used to be able to count more than a couple of good things in my entire life, but the more I thought and looked for names to add to that Good Things Roll Call the more I found forgotten happy memories from my childhood, and the more willing I was to remember a fun evening out with people I knew (friends or not), or that I started counting occasions when I just laughed hysterically at a stupid joke (or at a friend being absolutely ridiculous), over time I was also able to remember different compliments I was given. Once I got started I couldn't stop counting and my list started getting really long, almost as long as the list of Evil Things I had been dwelling on for years. It is possible to find just as much Good as you find Evil, even in a hard life. All it takes is a start.

All it takes is a start. It doesn't matter if you write one sentence or word down in a Gratitude Journal, or if you think of a memory and say thank you in your mind (whether to God or to nothing it doesn't matter), as long as you practice recognizing and counting Good Things your outlook on life will get better. Mine did.